


I came here for tiny bags of peanuts and complimentary barf bags and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

by bziza



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22517320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bziza/pseuds/bziza
Summary: Alternate first meeting between Tim and Kon. They're both on a plane, arguing about Robin and this new guy named Superboy, and who's better. Obviously they're unaware they're talking about each other. Cue antics.
Relationships: Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 13
Kudos: 296





	I came here for tiny bags of peanuts and complimentary barf bags and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

Tim was not having a good time. To be fair, he never really was the picture of a happy, well adjusted kid, but today he was a bit worse than casually miserable. Today, he had a case of the grumpies. Security at the airport was always a nightmare in more ways than one. The wait was hours long on a good day. Today was not one of those. Tim had witnessed several foiled drug smugglings, six confiscated firearms, one confiscated flamethrower that the guy had tried to use on the agents once it was found, four more fights; and, strangely, not one but two separate parties caught with live pangolins in their luggage. It had been a very long five hours.

Once Tim and the various weapons concealed on his person and in his carry-on made it through the shitty metal detector, he knew better than to sigh in relief. Of course the monitors that displayed which gate each flight was at were broken. It had taken a lot of wandering to find the 3:27 flight to Metropolis, but he made it just in time. The stewardess scowled at him as he hurriedly scanned his ticket and rushed down the accordion tunnel and into the plane. Normally, he’d have the Drake card to get him off the hook, but undercover was undercover. Tim collapsed into his aisle seat just behind first class, exhausted. Bat-stamina only went so far on an hour and a half of sleep.

Sleep. That sounded nice. Unfortunately, it was also a liability. Though Tim didn't think his targets, Maria Falcone and her guards, would start anything, he didn't want to take chances. His body had just lost it's rigidity and sunk into the uncomfortable seat when he heard raised voices at the front of the plane. Instantly on alert, Tim leaned into the aisle to get a read on the situation, legs tensed and hand flicking to slide the R-shaped shuriken from his sleeve and into his palm. To his surprise, a dark haired boy about his age appeared, jogging a little down the aisle. That surprise turned to dread when the boy stopped next to Tim, facing him with a raised eyebrow and half grin.

“Well?” The boy asked, moving his hand to his hip. “You gonna move out of my seat?”

Tim leaned back to meet the sunglass-covered gaze. “I think you’re mistaken. Both of these were purchased by my schoolmates, but they've fallen ill and won't be returning with me today.” The boy pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, narrowing his eyes to take in Tim's dark jeans and blazer. The crest of a well known private school in Metropolis was embroidered onto the lapel.

“So?” The boy countered. “They aren't here. I am.”

They stayed locked in a silent face-off for several seconds before Tim sighed, not wanting to blow his cover over some cocky asshat. “Fine. But I get the aisle.”

“Suit yourself,” Cocky Asshat grinned, stepping back to allow Tim to stand. He tried very hard not to clench his teeth when he took the middle seat instead of the window. To make things worse, the boy decided that it was a good idea to further piss Tim off, stretching in his seat and putting his arm well into Tim’s personal bubble. Ugh.

During all this, the plane had started it's slow taxi onto the tarmac. Tim managed to buckle his seat belt just as it reached the runway and picked up speed for takeoff. He glanced down to the seat beside him, and to the seat belt straps hanging down from it. Once they reached altitude, Tim pulled his laptop from the backpack beneath the seat. He stiffened, stupid, that's a tell, get it together, when he saw the new addition to its design. A big, bright red Superman symbol was slapped right onto the center of its aluminum casing. “Dick,” Tim hissed, remembering their conversation the week before.

“I’m just saying,” Dick had laughed as he dismounted from a handstand next to Tim. “It’s perfectly natural-”

“Do you ever shut up?” Tim asked from behind the palms of his hands. They were pressed to his eyes to ward off a headache, and definitely not to hide the ridiculous blush on his cheeks.

That just made Dick laugh more, wrapping his arm around Tim as they walked towards the elevator in the cave. “You know I’m not making fun of you,” he said, much more gently. “Well. Yeah I am, but it’s not ‘cause he’s a guy. I’m just excited you care about a human you don't have a file on!”

“First of all,” Tim started, vowing to erase the security footage of them the first chance he got. “I don't think he’s human. And second, who says I don't already have a file on Superboy?”

“Um,” Dick replied in a confident tone. “Because he was discovered like a month ago and no one except Clark knew about him until today. Not even you're that fast.” They paused at the elevator doors, Dick turning to face him. “Wait, you don't, right? Have a file on him.” He was met with a very small smirk. “Tim!”

Tim didn't yet, but Dick didn't need to know that.

Dick was silent in the elevator. Tim had been pleading for this mere moments ago, but now that he could see the sparkle in Dicks eye he suddenly wished he was chatty again. He knew the bats, had watched them, fought beside them, chilled with them. Even somehow became one of them. This is what Dick looked like in planning mode. Surprisingly, Superboy hadn't been brought up again after that, which Tim now realized should have been a red flag.

Tim was jolted out of the memory by the guy next to him opening his annoying mouth. “You a Superman fan?”

“No,” Tim replied quickly, then wished he didn't.

Cocky Asshat flashed his terribly attractive grin at this, which Tim was trying hard not to look at. “Oh, I get it. You're a Superboy fan, aren't you?”

Tim groaned in an exaggerated manner. “Gah, no nothing like that.” That Tim needed to reveal, anyway. “My brother put this here to tease me after one dumb comment. I’m not, like… a fan, you know? Not enough to merit a sticker, at least.”

The other boy just snorted and shook his head, so Tim opened up his laptop to get some non bat-related work done. He nearly slammed it closed when he saw the image behind the box prompting him for his password. There, against an obnoxiously pink background, was a drawing of Superboy in flight, winking and blowing a kiss at the viewer, surrounded by a truly sickening amount of hearts. It was definitely a redraw of a still from one of the few videos that existed of the newest Super. Tim couldn't deny that he was just a little impressed at the speed fanart could be made, but still, where had Dick even found that? And how’d he set it as Tim’s wallpaper? That merited its own investigation, but for now, Tim just hoped his seat-mate hadn't seen it. 

His seat-mate had seen it. Or maybe he was just laughing over something he saw in the complementary magazine- yeah, no, he was laughing at Tim.

“Shut up,” Tim hissed without looking over, tapping in his password and unsubscribing from no less than sixteen confirmation emails for having signed up for reports of Superboy sightings. It was just his civilian email, thankfully. That still didn't protect Dick from merciless retribution. Tim made a mental note to “accidentally” drop some highly embarrassing personal info to Starfire next time he saw her.

Tim decided homework was a lost cause as long as he wore a cape and spent the next few minutes updating security on that device, changing all his passwords, and breathing deeply to keep his ears from turning red at Cocky Asshat snickering every now and then.

He really needed a better name. Closing his laptop again, Tim turned to soon-to-not-be Cocky-Asshat, too tired for subtlety. “What's your name, anyway?”

The other boy turned, slightly surprised but still cool as ever. “Uh, Kon- er. Conner.”

Tim nodded and faced forward again, satisfied. “Hey, aren’t you gonna tell me yours?” Conner asked, obviously miffed.

“No,” Tim replied.

“Then why’d you even ask mine?”

“So I could stop calling you ‘Cocky Asshat’ in my head.” Silently cheering, Tim smirked when he saw Conners’ jaw fall open out of the corner of his eye.

“Well- Well, what am I supposed to call you, then?” Conner sputtered. Tim merely shrugged, absorbed again in his laptop. 

“Hmmm,” Conner said after a second, pretended to think. A malicious grin spread across his face. “Guess I have no choice, except... Superboy Stan.”

“No,” Tim replied immediately. “If you're gonna define me by my supposed fanboy tendencies, at least use a decent superhero.”

“What's wrong with Superboy?” Conner frowned, more worked up than he really had any right to be in Tim’s opinion.

“Nothing. He just hasn't really done anything yet. Kittens stuck in trees don't count,” he added quickly. Conner closed his mouth and put his finger down.

“He’s only had a week, give him a break,” Conner grumbled.

“In the past week alone, Robin has put Killer Croc back in Arkham, successfully dismantled another drug cartel; and helped three old ladies cross the street, only one of which was the Riddler in disguise. And that's just what the public knows about.” So maybe Tim had read an article or two on how Superboy could easily replace Robin, and maybe he was still a little touchy about it. Sue him.

“Well Robin is just a sidekick,” Superboy quickly said, apparently a little touchy too. “And he doesn't even do anything, just stands in the corner and stares at you like a creep while you get poked with needles that are definitely not made of normal metal.”

Oh yeah. Tim had done that. Whoops. It wasn't his fault he’d come back from patrol to find Bruce had offered his medical equipment to Superman without giving Tim any warning there was gonna be a hot shirtless guy just sitting in the exam room! Wait, how had Conner- oh. Tim took a second to take in Conner's face again and had to resist the urge to facepalm. He hadn't noticed it before because what the hell kind of Kryptonian flew in a goddamn plane, but the boy next to him was undoubtedly the Super with a capital S kind. Damn, the universe really hated Tim, didn't it?

Superboy must have realized he shared way too much in the face of Tim's stunned silence, because his eyes widened in panic. At that same moment though, someone at the front of the plane screamed. Tim immediately reached down to double tap the logo on his Jordans, releasing a spidery robot from where it was curled in the tongue that unfolded and immediately began scuttling forward. The fake glasses he’d thrown on to complete the disguise immediately connected to the video feed the robot was streaming, and within seconds Tim had eyes in the front of the plane. He did not like what he saw.

Apparently neither did Superboy. He had seen the backwards image on Tim's lenses and was already trying to crawl over him to rush to the front. “Not yet,” Tim whispered, placing a firm hand on his chest. Superboy sat back down.

“Three guns, one knife, all Falcones. TSA sucks ass,” Tim relayed quietly to him. He thought Superboy might be having some sort of stress-induced convulsion but when he turned his head to check the other was just trying really hard not to laugh. “What?”

He shook his head, regaining his composure. “Nothing. What's the plan? Robo-taser them?”

Despite being nearly the size of a hand, the things spindly frame had no weapons powerful enough to incapacitate a healthy human. “No,” Tim replied. “Priority number one is to keep any of those guns from discharging. I don't think this is a hijacking, it's a personal dispute among two guards. I think the person they were hired to protect can take care of this, though. Her family tends to be… Persuasive.”

The bot scuttled closer to the scene, zooming in on the proverbial powder keg. Two beefy guys with more scars than brain cells had pistols to each others heads, but their eyes were trained on the petite woman dressed in white furs who was calmly threatening their lives. Tim had turned on the audio at some point, and it was just loud enough for Superboy to hear too if he got his head close to the glasses.

Several tense seconds passed excruciatingly slow before the guns were begrudgingly holstered again. Tim fell back into his seat. The passengers and crew would either be bought or threatened into silence, the guards disposed of at landing. Tim was thankful he'd had the foresight to send one of his bikes to the airport for when he arrived. It looked like the bo staff would have to come out after all, and he didn't want to stick around in or out of costume after that. 

The announcement bell dinged pleasantly, right on time. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, you may have heard a small disturbance near the front of the plane but rest assured it’s all taken care of and the authorities will contact you themselves if they need any more information. We’ll be landing in metropolis in about 29 minutes, where the local time is…”

Well, that was that. Metropolis PD would receive copies of both audio and video recordings taken during the flight and some key info on a certain meeting happening later that night, all attached to a nice big bow on the heads of two zip-tied thugs.

Which just left… Conner. Kon, that's how Superman referred to him at the cave, right? Right now he was quiet, apparently unsure how to proceed and hoping Tim broached the subject. Perfect, Tim didn't want to talk.

They made it to the ground and then to their gate without any words exchanged, but once they made it to baggage claim and Kon could see his window closing, he stopped Tim with a hand to his arm.

“You gonna tell me what just happened?”

“No, and stop slowing me down. We gotta get to the bodyguards before she shoots them. You don't happen to be bulletproof, do you?”

“I- what?”

“You heard me, now follow them from a distance on that side.”

For probably having never done any sort of vigilante work, Superboy did remarkably well. Tim knocked the gun from Maria Falcones’ hand with a birdarang and ducked out of sight, scaring her away to a waiting cab that left very quickly. Kon then knocked out both her guards by knocking their heads together, and kept watch for Tim when he removed the zip ties, USB, and ribbon from his pocket. He called in an anonymous tip and left, leaving Kon to catch up.

“Stop flying, you're attracting attention.”

Kon landed and matched Tim’s brisk pace, full of questions. Unfortunately for him, they had just reached Tim’s bike in a parking garage that definitely had cameras that would catch any breaking of the laws of physics.

Counting on Kon understanding this, Tim shoved his helmet on and threw his leg over the seat. 

“Wait, you gotta-”

“Tell Clark hi for me, ‘kay?” Tim said with a sly smile before speeding off, leaving a very confused Superboy behind.

-

“So then he said to tell you hi, and not ‘Tell Superman hi,’ he used your name! Your name, Clark! Some random, badass ninja kid knows who both of us are, this is terrible! Hey, I’m freaking out here, you better be taking this seriously. It’s your fault in the first place for making me take a plane home after those last tests. Stop laughing! Stop it, oh my God, do you not understand how bad this is? ...Yeah, he did have black hair and blue eyes, why does that matter? Clark, come back! Put the phone down and listen to me! Hey, who’s Bruce?”


End file.
